How to Make Money in the Gym Business
I have observed the operations of numerous gymnasiums across this country and believe that I have discovered a formula that will guarantee success. This article is a guide for operating a bodybuilding or power lifting gym with absolutely no prior business experience necessary.
1. Encourage the use of anabolic steroids by your membership. This can be accomplished by allowing as members known steroid dealers. Further, allow these dealers to freely barter their wares on the floor or in the parking lot of your facility. Place photos of known steroid abusers on the walls of your facility so that the younger members of your gym can model after these individuals. Provide for free syringe disposal in your lavatory facilities. Encourage members to use these facilities for injections by failing to patrol this area.
Axiom: Greater and speedier riches can be achieved by dealing the drugs
yourself or by having employes act as agents.
2. Encourage your membership to intimidate others whenever possible. This can be accomplished by not surpervising the gym floor. Additionally, it is recommended that as owner you fraternize with the intimidators and joke around about the "wimps and weanies". Whenever two or more persons wish to use the same piece of equipment, follow this rule: the biggest person gets priority.
3. Hire the largest, most aggressive, and least intelligent people you can find as counter employees. Give extra interview points to persons with tattos and prison records. Have these people practice saying, "Yeah, whadayawant?" Make absolutely sure they have no sales training. These people must be able to point in the general direction of the gym floor in response to the question, "Can I look around?"
4. Play heavy metal rock music on your stereo system and pipe it out to the gym floor at 50,000 decibels.
So ya want to own your own gym, do ya? Bill Palyo takes a humorous look at the gym business and gives you eleven sure-fire tips on how to run a successful gym — even if you have no previous gym or business experience.
The fitness craze is sweeping the country. Everywhere people are jogging, playing racquet ball, swimming, lifting weights, and engaging in numerous other forms of exercise. Nowadays it is difficult for businesses in the fitness industry to lose money.t, Even individuals with little or no business background are able to generate , enormous profits with ideas no more complex than a gym with some standard
your music system is cheap enough to
distort this music as much as possible. Any of your members who complain about the music are told, "If you don't like it here, you know where you can got' (Note: If your members complain verbally it's a sure sign that your music is MX loud enough. Increase the sound level until all verbal language is drowned out. This will discourage your members who use verbal language, but will not disrupt your preferred members who communicate symbolically with hand gestures.)
5. Encourage members to grunt, groan and swear louder than the music level noted in #4 .Grunting, groaning and swearing are sure signs of a person giving maximum intensity to his workouts. Model this to new members by grunting, groaning and swearing when you work out. Point out quiet lifters as "wimps who aren't giving 100% and will never make improvements!'
6. Maintain the temperature of your gym cold in cold weather and hot in hot weather. In the winter explain that the cold atmosphere keeps serious lifters from overheating and therefore they can get a good pump. In the summer explain that the hot atmosphere allows serious lifters to get a good sweat going so they can get a good pump. Any members who point out the flawed logic of your explanation (having been members for an entire seasonal change) have obviously been members too long. Show these trouble makers the door.
7. Provide your members with free medical advice. It is good to memorize the phrases, "No pain no gain',' and "Shake off small injuries!' Offer free spinal adjustments to members complaining about back pain. You qualify to adjust backs by going to a chiropractor once or twice to get the technique down. Learn about the latest pain-killing drugs so you can advise your members to see their doctors to "get some Naprasyn for that shoulder injury!' I know, you're saying, "Bill, if I adjust their spines correctly or turn them on to pain medication, they're going to be in the gym taking up valuable 5:30 p.m. spacer Not to worry, most of the time you will cause more serious injury to spinal adjustments, especially if you adjust their necks. Besides members who are able to mask the symptoms of their injuries with pain killers will eventually 1. really injure themselves. Remember the first law of bodybuilding physics, "Can't bench with a torn pee'
8. New members will frequently ask questions about training programs, specific exercises, and diets. Answering these questions can take up a lot of your valuable time. You can avoid this nuisance by directing these members to "Personal Trainers" A personal trainer is anyone who advertises himself/herself as a personal trainer on the gym's bulletin hoard_ Since the uersonal trainer will need to be contacted, he or she will be required to possess or have access to a telephone. Wanted felons wishing to be personal trainers should be urged to use fictitious names. Any person who has ever competed in a bodybuilding contest can advertise as a "bodybuilding champion!' Personal trainers can also supplement their incomes by selling drugs and/or baggy clothing as long as they don't interfere with your gig.
9. Never fix or repair equipment. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this rule. Faulty equipment will frequently injure members and this makes the gym less crowded. Pay special attention ignoring the cable crossover machine. This bad boy can be responsible for some serious head injuries. Never tighten dumbells because there is nothing funnier than watching a 100-pound dumbell fall apart while someone is doing an incline press. If you are intimidating enough, no one is going to sue you. Remember this rule, "Liability insurance is for sissies'.'
10. Never wash spit off the mirrors. A good coating of spittle on your mirrors will distort the images of your members. "Wow, my calves are getting really freaky" is not meant to describe a bovine gene-splicing experiment; rather, it is the
response of a happy member viewing his calves through the coated mirror.
11. When advertising your gym, always use a picture of yourself with your arms around the shoulders of some of your biggest friends. Be sure not to be holding hands. Never include a woman in the photo unless she has large breasts. Get extra points for coaxing a celebrity or sports figure to pose with you.
Many readers have written to me asking, "Bill, how else can I make money in the fitness industry?" Well, techniques for turning rags to riches abound. Future "how to" articles will be forthcoming, including:
How you can start your own gym with no money down using pre-sales and
`promise them what they want' techniques.
How you can make money by becoming a personal trainer.
How you can make money by
organizing, promoting and staging your own bodybuilding contest.
How to make money by becoming a professional bodybuilder.
How to make money publishing your own bodybuilding magazine.
How to make money by manufacturing and distributing steroid alternative supplements.
How to make money writing bodybuilding articles. 01